Though I’m no longer teaching English, Shakespeare’s words still resonate.

When I look back at my high school years, I have only gratitude for my parents and their willingness to support me in the pursuit of my many interests and passions. From riding and training horses, to studying Constitutional Law, to joining the debate team (as perhaps the MOST shy and socially awkward teen possible), they opened doors and stood behind me every step of the way.

As I’ve entered adulthood, their support has not waned. I’ve lived in two states, two continents, and six apartments/houses since 2013, and they have been there for me each step of the way. When I decided to start racing bikes (first criteriums, then cyclocross, and eventually mountain bikes), and then began chasing elite status on a bike, they cheered me on and even came to a few races each year to cheer in-person, despite the overwhelming lack of spectator-friendly racing in the endurance mountain bike world. If “the proof is in the pudding” (what even does that actually mean?!), I should never have questioned their support when, at 33, I chose to leave teaching after nearly 10 years and go back to school for data science. Perhaps my hesitation was only in my own lack of certainty of whether a non-math person could successfully learn data science.

The question was not one of whether I was sufficiently nerdy. I’ve always loved learning. BUT, as my mother would quickly attest, math was not one of those areas where I loved learning. My middle and high school math career is riddled with the casualties of torn notebooks, tear-mottled pages, and gross temper-tantrums. So when I chose to enroll in an asynchronous Calculus I class last fall, after over a decade of doing no more than the basic calculator-assisted math necessary to fill in a grade book, it surprised everyone (even myself). I never took pre-Calculus in high school, and had managed to avoid math altogether in college. There’s nothing like diving in the deep end. Starting with Calculus exposed ALL of the gaps in my understanding, as well as a few flaws in my character, as more than once, the tears of frustration flowed angrily onto my pages and into the ears of anyone in hearing (sorry, Seth!). With Khan Academy as my new best friend, I finished the semester with a passing grade and a bit of newfound confidence (that I was going to need!). Calculus I was followed by Statistics, Calculus II, Intro to Programming, and Linear Algebra over the spring and summer terms–all just prerequisites for acceptance into the University of Virginia Master’s of Science in Data Science program.

I started the fall semester at UVA with a lot of questions. Would I be able to juggle training, coaching, work, and school? Would I have the necessary foundation to even be able to learn the material? Would I hate it? Was I making a giant mistake to leave the classroom? Maybe this was just a midlife crisis (at 33)…

The very first class of the semester did little to alleviate my concerns, as I quickly fell behind, felt utterly lost, and dissolved into panicked tears behind the curtain of my Zoom screen. Then I dug in. I found the recording of the class, spent some quality time on Google, and clawed my way back from the abyss of impending failure.

But three months later, here I am.

Between the unending support of my parents (including driving 8 hours one-way to help me move apartments just two days after flying home from a race in Michigan), the encouragement of Seth (who was working through his own semester, plus spending way too many hours in the car in exchange for a few days of time in Virginia each weekend), and the flexibility of Cardinal Bicycle in scheduling my hours around races, coaching, and school deadlines, I finished my first semester as a student at the UVA School of Data Science this week.

My grades aren’t perfect (not the 99.9% I’m used to achieving in the world of essay-writing and English fluff), but I have learned SO. MUCH. this semester. I’m pretty sure there are still gaps in my understanding of some of the statistical formulas, but this English teacher has come a long way in a year. The beginnings of this journey from English teacher to data scientist have forced me to be true to myself…and to fight for the best version of myself possible: the self that digs deep, is relentless, and doesn’t give up when the going gets tough.

Another year of learning and training and racing mountain bikes teaches many of those same lessons, just in different ways. Despite some early-season setbacks, I feel like I really came into myself this season.

At Big Frog, Mohican, and Wilderness 101, I repeatedly finished ahead of all expectations, struggling through bonking, dehydration, and exhaustion to find myself on three consecutive NUE podiums. Looking back at my post-race growth forms, the temptation to give up is evident:

When I bonked hard (heat, hydration, stomach shut down so food was repulsive, etc.), I definitely started to fall apart mentally and shifted from being a competitor to just wanting to survive. I still knew (and was telling myself) that I was fighting for the podium and even the win, but it was REALLY HARD getting that data from my head to my legs. I felt like I was barely moving up the trail at points.

Growth Form, Big Frog 2022

At the same time, in each race, I fought through the day’s setbacks.

Even while I was angry at the world, I kept reminding myself to control and do my best with what I could control–even if that was only pedaling my f*ing bike. Along the same lines, I kept telling myself that even if I had zero chance of catching up to the podium (I fully believed I was in 15th position or further back), that I could still “win the brick” and give it everything I had… so I aimed for that.

Growth Form, Mohican 2022

Ironically, if I would have kept this mindset through to the end of the season, my epically poor performance at Marathon Nationals might have had some upside. As it was, I failed to manage expectations (or the failure to meet them) and fell apart physically and then mentally. I survived…and finished, but little more. Somehow, despite an entire season of racing marathon-distance mountain bike events and the knowledge that “shit happens,” I still wasn’t able to mentally keep it together enough to be a competitor at Nationals this year…and that still bothers me.

If I’m to be true to myself, that means acknowledging the bad along with the good–but not letting it get the best of me. I can make all the excuses in the world for why I wasn’t able to do that at Nationals, but that’s not the point…the point is to do better and be better next time.

Thanks, Shakespeare.